What’s Next?

Do you feel like you’re running toward something or from something? – I’m not sure…

These past two years have been filled with loss for many of us. I have lost my favorite human, mentor, confidant, friend the moment my mother passed. If that wasn’t enough there was my stepfather, godmother, several cousins and three cats.

Aside for the loss of loved ones. There has been a loss of security, adventure, patience, trust, and I hate to say it spirit. I know I’m not the only one walking about like a pandemic zombi pretending to be okay and wondering if you can remember what okay is and if it was all a false sense of security.

Living in a free country being able to come and go wherever and when ever you pleased. Being able to plan with a degree of certainty what to do next. Pick a goal and go for it, the heck with negative possibilities we live in the land of happily ever after.

We’re not in 2019 anymore Toto…

I’m sharing this blog today because of a Kalhil Gibran quote I read recently; “Anxiety isn’t so much about the future, but our wanting to control it.” This quote hit me right between the eyes – Suddenly I could put a finger on all of the above losses it all comes down to not being able to control the future. YES we knew all this before, but we lied to ourselves. The pandemic lifted the curtain, removed our rose colored glasses and knocked us on our collective asses.

So what’s next? Do we continue to fake it until we make it? Try and repurpose the broken parts of our spirit? Maybe try the trendy pivoting to our next thing. All I know is I have more questions than answers. More anxiety than I had during the pandemic, because I have to figure out how not to be afraid to take chances, try a new direction, not having a plan.

Meditation has been a godsend to me, getting quiet to listen to my heart’s desires. Clearing out clutter and letting go of excess, has also been a great help. Spending time in nature on my bike, walking, running, and kayaking has brought me a sense of where I fit in the world. Living with two cats who only understand how to be in the moment has made me more aware of living this way.

I share this because I hope these words may speak to you and make you feel a little less lost. What’s next? I haven’t the faintest idea, but if I get on the wrong bus, I can always get off and find the right one…

Be Awesome,



Blue Dragonfly

Today I finally got out and into my kayak. Friends and I went to a local pond, it was magical. It was still early enough where the clouds hadn’t burned off, the pond was like a sheet of glass. There were mirrored images everywhere. Wildlife was abundant, I can’t recall how many different birds we saw.

Then there was my blue dragon fly. There are many legends about the dragon fly good and bad, but mostly good. One is dragonflies are a message to stay the path, not take life so seriously be in the moment. Another belief as this is a transformation of a loved one as a way to communicate.

A little background my mother passed just a little over two years ago. Today I was wearing a sun hat I gave to her from Korea. the hat had her name and the Korean symbols for her name embroidered on the hat. Soon after I got the kayak in the water and moving forward a dragon fly landed on the front of the kayak. This happened two more times on the excursion, totaling three. It didn’t land on anyone else’s kayak just mine.

The whole time I was there I could feel mom’s presence. I was also getting my thoughts together for a family dish I was to prepare later in the day. A simple macaroni salad that was my aunt Lucy’s, mom’s older sister. After aunt Lucy passed mom took the torch and made the dish. This was a family favorite especially around the 4th of July. It isn’t very difficult but it requires a good deal of precise prep. I felt bit apprehensive in doing this dish because food memories are a way we can continue a legacy and I wanted to do them proud.

After my encounter with the dragonfly AKA mom? I felt lighter and less stressed about tackling the challenging prep. It went well! I tastes just as I remembered it -which was the goal.

Thank you blue dragonfly, til we meet again,


Baby Steps

Baby steps was the title of my journal entry this morning.

After my meditation, I sat quietly trying to take in the lesson of the meditation as well as trying to get perspective on where my life is heading. I was reminded of a lesson on perseverance I like to teach my martial art students. When a baby begins to walk, they first start with standing getting a sense of balance, then once that is mastered they start moving carefully forward. The don’t quit or get discouraged and give up never mastering the skill. We’ve all done it none of us quit.

What an amazing gift ignorance of not understanding failure, the power of wanting to be mobile superseded any brief setback.

Baby steps a practice we should revisit taking our time in mastering a task being undaunted by temporary setbacks, knowing with patience we will eventually get moving.

The secret is to keep moving forward, baby steps indeed…

Being vs Doing

Listening to one of my favorite pod casts Mayim Bialik’s Breakdown, her cohost Jonathan Cohen repeated a Kurt Vonnegut quote “I am a human being not a human doing”. That coupled by an outstanding post about slowing down by Christine Higgins prompted me to add my 2 cents.

Americans are known for their work hard play hard attitude. You would think that being a highly developed country, with all the resources available they would be one of the healthiest. No not even close, the US is the 35th healthiest nation. With Spain being number one. There are quite a few factors involved here; the lack of decent health care system, diet, the lack of down time (vacations), and the general over consumption of food, and stuff.

Conversely Europeans have more time off, better nutrition, higher standards of what is permitted as additives. They rest more, and consume less.

Many Americans don’t take the full allotted time off, consumed with getting more having more. We’ve made keeping up with the Jones’ a national pastime. One of my. favorite lines from an old TV series was “How’s the rat race?” “The rats are winning!”

The rats are winning, stress, substance abuse, anxiety, poor health are the rats!

My belief is we need to stop doing for the sake of doing! Accumulating stuff that gives us momentary pleasure which will be either thrown out or donated in two years. We are all seeking peace and that can only be attained by getting quiet, breathing, and being in nature. Listening to each other ,not texting or messaging. Try writing a letter, call someone better yet visit someone.

We don’t need stuff we need connection…

Which is why I’m making a point to not drive at least once a week. I cycle or walk on Thursdays. I’m lucky I live in an area in which that can be done, but how can you slow down? I also have been making a point to visit with people, reconnect with old friends. This is in addition to a very involved morning practice which consists of spiritual reading, meditation, Yoga, mindful eating, and journaling. This is where I’m a human being, before I get caught in the tsunami of “doing” day to day life .

Take a deep breath, and just be…


Coming Back To Your Senses

The five senses are what we depend upon to navigate our way through our daily lives. Most of us are lucky enough to have five others may have one or two less for one reason or another. My question is have our senses become dulled?

With the advent of technologies, most of our sight is used scrolling through a smart phone. People on the bike path, run and ride hooked up to headphones or worst insist on sharing their music with the rest of the world. Meals are scoffed down with little regard to tasting and savoring. Scents are often masked literally and figuratively since covid, but even without the mask, pollution, along with allergens are depleting our sense of smell. Touch is another Covid fatality, bear hugs have been replaced with air hugs and hand shakes have morphed into knuckle bumps.

How do we navigate more to the point how do we appreciate the world in which we inhabit. I believe it comes down to mindful awareness. Being fully present in whatever we may be doing. When out in nature or with friends put the phone away in a pocket or purse. I’ve been getting my photography equipment readied, like many of you I’ve fallen into the convenience of using the smartphone as a camera. How many photos on your phone are absolutely mindless? When did we become food bloggers, that we feel the need to photograph everything we eat or prepare? When did we become so self absorbed with self portraits “selfies” that we are missing the beauty and majesty surrounding us?

Where did our listening skills go? when we’re out with friends or family that we can’t be fully present without checking for messages, notifications, fantasy scores? What has happened to the art of conversation? We no longer have discourse but posts. Who are we trying to impress? A good portion of life is routine, why can’t we be satisfied in appreciating what we’re doing without showing the world what we’re up to. I find it ironic that there are so many new technologies being introduced to protect our privacy yet we post when we’re away, what we’re buying, doing, eating, moving to? I know people who are paranoid to have a smart speaker in their home yet post everything but their bowel habits on Facebook.

Does anyone taste what they eat? Look at the plate of food notice the different aromas? Next time you go out for a meal sit for a moment and try to engage your senses, before you take a bite. Then notice the different textures, flavors while you are eating and by all means slow down!

I remember when I was in Europe the pleasure of a leisurely meal it was to be savored and enjoyed.

Be aware of how things feel, soft cotton, cool breezes, the comforting warmth of a morning coffee mug. The soft fur of a cat, today I thought about the bristles of my dads 3 day beard (I miss that).

Do yourself a favor and get out into nature, walk, run, hike, bike, kayak, sail, swim, or just sit. Then be fully present aware of the sights, sounds, scents, touch the cool grass, taste a wild blackberry. Just be… It will be a great day, experience coming back to your senses.


Somedays are appointments we write down in our imaginary calendars. Someday I will go there, do that, be this, feel how? The problem is somedays don’t exist. It’s always today! So until we/you/I decide to live in the present moment, be present and aware enough to look within ourselves to ask what do I want? We won’t arrive, do, achieve, know our heart’s desire.


Celebrating The Middle Way

Sunday’s I hit the road and bike path, for a weekly long run. Admittedly these past couple of years my long runs have gotten shorter. I’m running about five miles, a far cry from the eight to ten I’d do when training for half marathons. It is a good distance to clear the cobwebs of the week, gain a bit of perspective for the week ahead and to enjoy the sights and sounds of early morning along the route.

In someways this is my church. I feel close to God and the universe out on the road. I see the ever changing topography and wild life. Baby rabbits were in abundance today, along with multiple varieties of birds and waterfowl. The air was filled with the scents of brine, from the bay and the Kickemuit river, wild flowers perfumed the bike path where you could occasionally catch a whiff of breakfast from a nearby home.

I love how I feel when I get into a slogging (I’m a sloth who jogs hence slogging) rhythm. Pushing my body to do what it was built for MOVING. The exercise is a cleansing of my sins; banana muffins, pop chips, almond joy bars, sitting for two hours bingeing Grace and Frankie, or a cooking competition on TV. My mental health improves as well I feel less burdened by ruminating thoughts. With my mind/body refreshed I’m better able to prepare for the week ahead.

I’m often asked how do you stay so fit? First and foremost I make it a priority. What I put into, my mind and body equates to how I feel. Eat poorly and unhealthy feel that way, don’t move or exercise your body and like the Tin Man you’ll seize up. The best advice and you will read this again and again, is moderation. Follow the middle way! You see what happens when we over indulge, you have seen or read what can happen if we restrict our diet or over work out. When anything is out of balance our bodies will be too.

The same advice is true for fill in the blank_____________________.

Take time for self care, start small one change,

All the best,